Has NO Title

well here it gos so far hope every one likes it

Look at the moon our souls connect now together as one
you see my eyes red as fire burning in the night
that is my passion burning for you
I yearn your skin as soft as a flower
that blooms in the night the moon is the only
light guiding us through the darkness
as we sit under the moon light
everthing is swallowed up by the darkness
when you speak you bring me to my knees(good thing we're siting down lol)
I get butterflys in my stomach
I become silent your voice poices my heart
like a thousand swords of love
your voice soft and sweet in my head
if you knew what you do to me when you talk to me
I feel like I'm on top of the world and nothing ca hurt me
sweet nothings whispered in my ear
you could say anything as long as you talk to me
you pick me up when I think I can't go on mind, body and spirit
my world is fucked untill I call you and then every thing is ok again
chaos fills my life but when I talk to you everthing goes away

Thats it all I got wrote for now comments are welcomed Thank You! :ph43r:

That's not fair! That's REALLY good! I wish I could write poems like that *pouts and sulks*
Tis very good. I like the use of imagery (can u tell im taking English Lit?)
I would've rounded it off with something more but that's just me so i give you.....
9/10 :D nice going ^_^

well thanks for saying so its not finished yet but I have no idea what else to write it's like 4:34 am I'm going to bed good night

ouch 4.34 in the morning huh? i used to stay up playing games lol!
Well I like the whole moonlit scene, perhaps stick with that or sumthing. Either way I'll still like it lol!

I'm keeping the begging I just haven't thought of a way to end it yet!! I'm glad you like it Thanks

I dislike stoping there but I need more insight about my poem first Thanks

good job mate, well done!

Thanks mate sorry I had to do that but thanks anyone else please insight.

It's again very good. I love it. If you need some help maybe, keep reading lol!

Well I'm not too good at poems but my english teacher always told me that a poem is better if you include three or more of the senses. touch, sight, sound, taste and/or smell. Since the poem is a heart felt one about admiration, perhaps describe how the surroundings either fade away or are enlightened when she is around. Go onto saying how you feel with her, sitting there. Describe her or something. See? Told you I'm not too good at this lol!
Hope it helped all the same.

Thanks you Just gave me and Idea but i gotta think a little more and read my poem to myself over and over

Oh good! I'm glad I could help. Take your time with it :) Best pieces take years... but I want to read it soon so don't make it years LOL! :P

Wont be that long most likely a couple days I haven't got to see her. she lives in florida and I live in wisconsin well I sent a pic and I'm waiting for a pic anyways I'll surprise you with the ending

Oh thank god. I can't wait now!! Post more and more! I like this poem! think faster lol! I'm kiddin :P

no worries mate. lol

Well thats all I got for now I had to go to work today sorry

No worries bout work lol!
Dude its awesome. I especially like the darkness swallowing everything.
Beautiful language. Keep adding more! it gets better n better when i thot it couldn't

thanks I'll add more tonight

Woohoo! :D *sticks like glue to the computer* I shall not move heehee :lol:

I better start writing in my book then so I will be able to post later on maybe at like 9:00pm tonight well I gonna loggoff for now but will be back and hopfully posting more of my poem

I think it's pretty cool! Needs a little more lovey dovey stuff, I don't think everyone who read it fell in love with you! :wub: ! Just kidding. I don't think you want the guys to love you! lol!

No I don't your funny hahaha

Well it's updated even more than in my note book so I hope you like it

Yeah boi it's getting along fine :) it's still as amazing as it was at the start. It's lovely! KEEP GOING *scowls* go go go lol!

preety good hope she likes it lol

very nice poem

thanks I'll be writing more later

nice stuff:D

nice poem