Men Bashing Jokes, somewhat crude

[stephanie]

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.

Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.

Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.

Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.

Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.

Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."

Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.

Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.

Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.

[azkicka]

hey hey hey... that's not funny. but that biting the nail one was hilarious

[MrPortable]

this was probably written by a group of bitter women

[Rogue_Gook]

some of those were funny, but of course none of them apply to me!

[blackshd0w]

i didnt get the biting nail one..

[stephanie]

lol the biting nail one was meaning toe nails.

i know a guy that admitted to doing that, in the shower. i was like uhhh yuck!

[Rogue_Gook]

hmm yeah hes lonely

[saRRah]

hahahahahahahaha. you know, if you are ever feeling really really pissed at a guy, go find "i hate men" by cole porter from the musical "kiss me, kate." you will laugh forever. it's a really demeaning song. and some arrogant boys here *coughcough* need to hear it, too! but still, HAHAHAHAHA.

[Rogue_Gook]

who would be arrogant?? i speak a divine truth so i cant be the arrogant one...

[l1l_azn_chris]

Funny, but it's one sided. Just like everything.

[stephanie]

haha. dont make me laugh so hard. please.

does anyone notice that only the guys are complaining about this?
and the one girl that replied is informing us of even more funny men bashing material?

well, i find that quite hilarious. thank you.

[wildaznchica]

hehe those r funny

[Rogue_Gook]

hmmm Azn_Chris we need to make a lil some some for our...female friends!

[stephanie]

hey hey hey no fair!! its not like i made this up!

[Rogue_Gook]

thats not sanctuary enough! evil laughing!