http://www.thefurrymonkey.co.uk/jokes_notsoclean.htm#bottyI know we've all seen joke threads before, but I wanted to get these jokes out there as they are great, and very inventive. The ones in this first post are guaranteed to be brilliant.
Feel free to add your own or links to some.
EDIT - Have made this topic expanded to now take funny vids as well
This one straight in from Kelroth via email -
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group
and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights,
and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local
culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness. After
awhile, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood.....big,
stately residences.. no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of
all.........NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He
finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent
buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is
unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says,
"I say,
sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry,
officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and
I just can't find a public restroom."
Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to
a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away SIR, anywhere you want." The
fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has
>ever seen... manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured
hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is
greatly relieved. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the
Bobbie, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call
"British Hospitality?"
"No sir," replied the Bobbie.. "that is what we call the
French Embassy."
This one is extremely adult:
A man is walking down the street when he sees a beautifil woman walking in the opposite direction.
He stops her and asks if he can bite her breasts for a thousand dollars.
She looks at him in a disgusted manner.
"you're willing to pay me 1000 dollars to bite my breasts?"
He nods.
"Alright," she says hesitantly.
The man quickly ushers the woman into a nearby alley, and proceeds to kiss and fondle her breasts.
After several minutes, the man starts to walk away.
"Aren't you going to bite my breasts?" Asks the woman.
"Nah, to expensive," replies the man.
:lol:
OK, warning here, this is Carlin-Beacon, and he's a bastard minded shit. If you like bastard minded shits, then you will like him. Goes on for about 20 mins though.
http://www.dumpafile.com/item/qYkCsDjUAdded is Chris Rock's how to not get your ass kicked -
http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1119973719Here we have some standup comedy about the subject of movie trailers with some cool impressions -
http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1119870948Just for the hell of it, here is a gay referee -
http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1119774681 LMFAO!!!
-thumbwink-
Oh, and don't worry, threadomancy doesn't exist here, and is no crime. it's a good thing to do here, as the topics are made in a constantly existing atmosphere.
Emailed from Borzag -
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realising that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your ass-hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "He's probably down at the bar with his friends."
