"Let's talk about Lunar since he can't see what we're saying. v;"
"Lunar is cool."
"And he has a sword. And he can shoot laser beams from his eyes. ^_^ Yeah, he's epic like that, and he's a blind man. How cool is THAT? He also has a cane sword because those pwn. And a monocle. He totally has one of those. And you know what? He eats caviar. Also he's immune to iocaine. ^_^ Yeah, he's pretty much the most epic hero ever. He's saved more little old ladies than any surgeon. Also, he's only half human. The other half is like Alien. And he eats bagels for breakfast. Also being an alien, his skin is really blue, but it's pale blue because he's only half alien. Also, Emmy, he can breathe underwater and survive volcanoes, but he's got a weakness: pour pomegranate juice on him and he dies. Yeah. So they actually made pomegranate juice illegal in Florida. :P But see, Dew's half alien too, only the alien half he is is the enemy race of Lunar's alien half, hence pomegranate juice. v; Also Lunar's married, Emmy, to a lovely alien woman named Wanda. She's got green hair ^_^ Yeah, they're an adorable couple-she's 7 ft tall. Yeah, and for their anniversary he got her a suit of battle armor: pink! She was thrilled. Yeah, her husband's crazy. Still, he did get her that very nice pink battle armor. Also, did I tell you Lunar's wife wields a battle axe? v;"
"Did I ever tell you about the time giant trolls attacked Florida and Lunar and Wanda had to go save the day? v;"
"No."
"Well, it was awesome. That was actually how they met, their first date. See, Lunar was walking down the street and all of a sudden..TROLLS! And then the next thing he knew, this girl ran into him and knocked him into the pavement. She was running after the trolls and wasn't paying attention to where she was going. And she got up and their eyes met and it was love at first sight. And he pulled out his ancestral sword and they ran off to stop the trolls. Anyway, so they ran after the trolls, and the sky darkened and it started to rain. So they were running in the pouring rain and the makeup Wanda had on started to come off, so then he saw that her skin was blue. And the wig that she was wearing blew off, and so he saw her green hair. And then he thought she was even more lovely than before. And she pulled out her epic crystal battle axe and they came up to the troll and it had three heads and was clutching a half-dead goat. YES. They have lots of those in Florida. Anyway, so the troll saw them and ran at them. And Wanda slashed at one of his legs and left a long gash and he roared in pain and threw the goat at her. It knocked her to the ground and she was knocked unconscious. Lunar was shocked and ran over to her and lifted the goat off of her and checked her pulse. She was still alive and so he tore off part of his tunic to bandage the gash on her head, because Floridians are required by law to wear tunics. Anyway, so he bound up her wound and turned to the troll, his eyes burning. And then he got so mad at the troll for harming this beautiful alien girl that he was overcome by rage..."
"Is he a samurai?"
"No, but the troll is. But the troll drew out his samurai sword and they started to fight. Lunar lopped off two of the troll's heads. And then the troll stabbed Lunar in the shoulder and his right arm went limp, so he had to fight left-handed. And the troll stabbed him in the leg too. But as he fell to the ground he STABBED THE TROLL IN THE STOMACH and the troll fell over dead. Lunar fell to the ground then. But just then Wanda woke up, and since she had just been knocked to the ground she was able to walk over to Lunar. And, being an alien, she was superstrong and carried him to her spaceship, where she cured his wounds with alien medicine and thanked him for killing the troll. She explained that the troll was an intergalactic pirate that had killed her father and she was trying to avenge his death. Lunar had saved her and was her hero. And she said she had heard of his family, because long ago an epic alien warrior had moved to Earth and married into a human family, and she knew Lunar was descended from him. And so she knew that he was part alien and they fell madly in love. And after that they dated and fell in love and got married and that's how Lunar met Wanda. ^_^ It was epic."