TAPEWORM DIET SWEEPS HOLLYWOOD!
50-foot parasites are latest weight-loss craze
AMERICA'S celebs have found a new ally in the battle of the bulge: Tapeworms!
The latest fad to strike the diet-crazed citizens of Beverly Hills consists of ingesting larval tapeworms in raw pork, beef, and fish dishes at trendy Los Angeles restaurants.
"You can eat whatever you want and never worry," confides one dieter who claims to have lost 73 pounds in eight days.
"It's like the fad diets, only much, much easier. Plus, I feel like I have my own little diet coach deep down inside."
The parasites lodge themselves into a host's intestines, feeding off the body's food intake and growing up to 50 feet in length -- the bigger they get, the more you lose!
According to biologist Dr. Kurt Honziger of the U.S. National Parasite Board, side effects can include abdominal pain, diarrhea, constipation and -- most importantly -- weight loss.
Dieters may also see tapeworm body parts called "proglottids" appearing in their clothing, bedding or feces.
"It's a small price to pay to look great!" says one soap star who prefers to remain anonymous.
"A quick meal of steak tartar and a short incubation period later, and you're in business!"
Fortunately -- unlike pigs or cows -- humans serve as the final hosts for the tapeworms, so dieters won't have to suffer the discomfort of larva burrowing through their intestinal walls into blood vessels to be carried to muscle tissue where the larva form protective capsules around themselves and then develop into bladder worms.
This comes as no small relief to the pricey L.A. restaurants offering specially cultivated, larvarich dishes at extreme prices.
At the exclusive Bitter Grill, for instance, famed chef Hans Bitter serves up a Canadian pike ceviche brimming with Diphyllobothrium latum in an Ecuadorian jalapeno-lime sauce -- for only $145. The waiting list for reservations is three and a half months long.
Will regular consumers ever be able to drop excess pounds with their own pet tapeworms? Thankfully, America's corporate leaders have responded to the challenge.
A new chain of national Tape Measure Weight- Loss Centers is coming soon, promising to provide expert guidance in parasitic implementation at reasonable prices.
Published on: 08/05/2004
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/science/61473