Lone Wolf McQuade was one of HBO's signature re-run movies in the mid 80's. Whenever you fliped on HBO, late at night around 1985, you'd see either "Lone Wolf McQuade" or "The Hitchhiker". Nobody knows what happened to Page Fletcher and the "the Hitchhiker", but It's 20 years later, and "Lone Wolf" is STILL re-running on cable.

"Lone Wolf McQuade" stars 80's b-level action movie icon, Chuck Norris. McQuade is a Texas Ranger, living in the desert outside of El Paso. He enjoys drinking beer, shooting at his homemade target dummies, beating up illegal aliens and drinking beer. For some reason, EVERYONE calls him "Ranger". McQuade is part of the El Paso police force..but you'd never know it. He doesn't wear a uniform, just a tiny badge and pink Lone Panger shirts. He also rarely shows up in the office...he drives around in his Ram Charger like a lazy vigilante. But he's soon assigned a partner- a Mexican-American whom he calls "kid" (despite the fact that he appears to be pushing 36!). The partner wears a uniform, shows up in the office and punches a time clock... McQuade's off doing his own little thing.

At a county fair, McQuade runs into David Carradine, who's performing a karate exhibitions. County fairs always have karate exhibitions. There's the pig show, rodeo, bull roping and the karate exhibtion. Carradine's car even has a cutom license plate that reads: "CARATE". Yuk yuk. Carradine's not the craggly freak we know from "Kil Bill"...here he wears cardigan sweaters and looks like a psychotic Kevin Spacey. Chuck and Carradine share UNKIND WORDS and then things get all sorts of stupid.

McQuade finds out about Mexican gun-runners. They're financed by a Mexican mafia midget. McQuade pays the midget a visit, but the midget escapes through a secret door! He cackles over an intercom for good measure. McQuade then goes to Mexico, gets buried alive in his Ram Charger, meets a Jermaine Jackson lookalike FBI agent, and gets into a Bulldozer vs. Half-Track duel.

Along the way, he meets his "love interest" at the fair. She's so taken by McQuade that she immediately breaks into his house to clean, vaccum and throw away his beer. McQuade is smitten...and shows his adoration by rolling around in the mud with her. Eventually she gets kidnapped, along with McQuade's daughter, by the evil Mexican mafia/terrorists. McQuade gets his buddies and hops down to Mexico for the climactic fight.

"Lone Wolf McQuade" is a 4-beer movie. Ironically, it has a few similarities to Kill Bill Vol. 2, but shares more with Mystery Science Theatre's "Mitchell".

...and the "kid" sidekick is "Chakotay" from Star Trek: Voyager.