So..suposedly after two years of carefully crafted plots and Shocking Changes...it all comes down to THIS?

Okay, not really...after this issue, there's 52 more issues of explanation for all the worthless shit they couldn't figure out. Plus there's more "Infinite CRISIS Fallout" mini-series on the way and NEW titles (that will have all the effect of PRIMAL FORCE). Fans, what will happen next?!!

The issue itself starts with a Big Fight of All the Villains in Metropolis. Pages 3 and 4 show the big battle royal spread, but in probably the laziest piece of comic art since...well, anything IMAGE did... only HALF of the page is inked! Fucking amatuer. In the "biggest event that will re-define the DCU", half of a big splash page is full of unfinished sketches with a red Photoshop "Overlay" effect.

One page later, we get the first typo of the book, as some mentions "Phantom Stranger and the other SEPLLCASTERS".

I can see that this event HAS re-defined DC! It's already re-defined the art and editting process!! Bravo!!

In the midst of this battle royal, we see Bane is back in action, snapping Judomaster's spine (The Solitary Judmaster Fan Who Lives in Nova Scotia: "NOOOOO!"). Okay...I have some real problems with this. In "Gotham Knights", about 3 years ago, Bane had reformed. With Batman's help, he had finally figured out who his dad was and was at peace with himself. It was a fitting finale for Bane. He had served his purpose and for once a Batman villain really HAD rehabilitated. Now, for the sake of a shitty one-panel appearance in a poorly drawn comic where he fights JUDOMASTER, Bane's characterization has been pissed away. Wait, wait-- RE-DEFINED!!!

The battle royal is incredibly hard to follow. It just serves like to make fanboys say "whoa! Look who's there! I can't belive they put HIM in!!" I'm sure it will sell more Heroclix and DC Direct figures in the future. Speaking of action figures, there's a DC ad towards the back of the issue for Infinite CRISIS figures. You can get Power Girl (and her two friends), OMAC, Alex Luthor and....Mongul! WTF? Mongul?! Why not Phantasm?! He was just as important to Infinite CRISIS as Mongul.

Anyways, Batman faces off with Alex Luthor, while Supermen and Green Lanterns fight Superboy-Prime. Superboy-Prime kills about 50 Green Lanterns on his trek to Oa. See, instead of the old standby of a Massive Bomb that Will Destroy Reality, they've tweaked it a little by having Superboy fly to, and attempt to destroy Oa. Oa, being the center of the universe...so it makes some sense. Superman and Old Tiemy Superman take Superboy-Prime to a world with a red sun. There, de-powered, they beat the tar out of each other. Old Timey Superman dies, while Prime is put into a special cell by the Green Lanterns.

Batman considered shooting Alex Luthor with a gun, but thought better of it. Alex was supposedly a powerful guy, but a bullet to the nogin would have killed him. Alex manages to escape and runs into the Joker and Lex Luthor in a dark alley. The two ultimate bad guys kill the red headed weenie. Joker does the honors...because DC has a rule that Joker's only effective if he's kiling someone, dontcha' know? Lex Luthor gets off the worst line of his career as Alex dies: "who's stupid now?". Ugh...someone alert Clancy Brown and Gene Hackman. Those two need to team up and corner DC's writers in a dark alley. They can even say lame crap like "boo-yah, biotch" as they burn away half of Geoff Johns' face.

Then..things just kinda' end. We see a quick list of "heroes who have fallen". Starfire, Hawkgirl, Tempest and several others....who are then seen in the final two-page spread. Batman goes on a steamer cruise with Master Dick and Tim. Superman is still de-powered from the red sun, so he wants to hang around Metropolis and bang Lois Lane. Wonder Woman flies away to "find herself".

But now it's time for 52, fans!!!

Oh yeah... what the hell did this have to do with Sue Dibny getting butt-raped and the Doom Patrol returning? Remember...those were supposedly "key events that will lead into Infinite CRISIS".

I've always joked that you could lock ANY comic geek into a room with two completely unrelated comics and ask him (shyeah, like it'd be a HER) to come up with a way to signicantly connect the two. Wait 15 minutes and you'd have your answer.

Infinite CRISIS and all this crap read EXACTLY like that.