Been awhile since I've done one of these, but here we is:

Def Leppard - Armageddon It
Over-synthed, over-produced and overly crappy. Not into Def Leppard, but I was always surprised that this tune and "Rocket" were released as singles.
Rating: 3 turds

Great White - Rock Me
Probably Great White's best song. Simple, but decent for them. The chic is quite hump-able, but it STILL freaks me out when she revelas her mermaid skin. Creepy.
Rating: 2 paws

Guns N' Roses - Don't Cry
Don't you waaaaaaatch this tonight..there's better crap on, bay-bee...so don't waaaaaa-aatch this tonight!
Rating: 2 turds.

David Lee Roth - Yankee Rose
Heh. Complete with the intro! "My ancestors SPIT on your haircut!" is still a good comeback. Intro's great, but dang, does the on-stage performance stuff look GAY! Anyways, I've always liked this song and it's aged fairly well. Steve Vai dominates the song and you feel that DLR picked him for the band just to show-up Eddie Van Halen.
Rating: 3 paws

Kiss - Lick It Up
Repeat review. But still funny.
Rating: 3 paws

Overkill - Elimination
"EEEEE-limination!". Overkill usually gets lumped with Anthrax and Slayer. Only those bands are good. Overkill wouldn't be so bad if they didn't have the high-pitched whiny singer. When Beavis & Butthead ripped on an Overkill video, Beavis's "singing" voice sounded identical to the lead singer's!
Rating: 1 turd

Motorhead - Ace Of Spades
Stupid intro from Eddie Trunk before the video, talking about how Motorhead influenced several American bands. He forgot to mention that this song also influenced the 80's trend of card game songs. No denying that "Ace of Spades" inspired Juice Newton to do "Queen of Hearts" and also Staci Q to do "Two of Hearts". Any video with Philthy Animal automatically gets at least three paws.
Rating: 4 paws.

Whitesnake - Fool for Your Loving
Which was more embarassing for Steve Vai: Whitesnake or Alcatrazz? Thankfully, Steve just did this for the money while simulatenously working on "Passion and Warfare". Terrible song, and it always cracked me up how Whitesnake seemed to over-use the word "Lovin'".
Rating: 2 turds

Queensryche - Jet City Woman
Never understood the appeal of these dweebs. Felt bad for the lead singer and his receeding hair. He's up there with Brian Johnson and Klaus of the Scorpions in the Heavy Metal Hair Club for Men. Screeching vocals drown out both guitars and make me reach for the"MUTE" button.
Rating: 3 turds

Europe - Open Your Heart
Wow, this is REALLY bad. Even for Europe.
Rating: 4 turds

Alice Cooper - Poison
Over-produced poppy 1989 song, but much better than Alice's crap with the two steroid junkies. I think the chic in the black leather boots was ES's "Hump-able Video Chic of October 1989" (edging out Fiona and Paula Abdul). The guitar riff is kinda' cool and makes up for the "muffled backup crowd vocals".
Rating: 1 paw

High Turds: Europe
High Paws: Motorhead

Whoa... no Krokus or Saxon?! What's wrong with Metal Mania?!

But wait... my lazy ass didn't get off the couch and I watched the first few videos of "Rock Fest".

(omitting the opening U2 video for appropriateness. The next NEW guitar riff Edge plays will be the first).

Alice in Chains- Would?
Awesome song. One of my favorites. Weird vibe to the video, generated by Layne Staley's freaky glasses and shaking. I can't forgive the bassist for wearing boxer shorts, though.
Rating: 4 paws

Living Colour- Open Letter (to a Landlord)
Proof that a cool guitar can overcome an incredibly stupid premise and its corresponding lyrics. One of the more innovative bands of the time, and it's too bad that they got saddled as the "black guy gimmick band". Pick up their 2003 "reunion" Collideoscope album if you see it.
Rating: 3 paws

Faith No More - From Out of Nowhere
Whoa, I've NEVER seen this video! Staright forward perfomance video, with a backdrop of Vegas marquees. Dig the song, and its gained a second life thanks to Madden 2005. Honestly, I thought "Epic" was the shittiest song on "the Real Thing", yet you hear that all the time. All the other tunes were pretty cool, though.
Rating: 3 paws

Ramones - Spider-man
Holy crap! Another all-time favorite. This ranks up there with ACDC's "Jailbreak" as another top-notch perfect video. Fun video that really gets into the animation spirit. Plus, footage of the original (and best) Spider-Man cartoon. Video is cool on its own and the song is cool on its own.
Rating: 4 paws

Then they played a David Bowie video and I finally bailed. I may have to watch "Rock Fest" more often, as 4 of 6 videos I watched were big favorites of mine. I'd rather sit through Bowie than Scorpions or Europe anyways.