I was seriously fucked up with a 24 hr virus and spent most of Tuesday night and Wednesday on my back. (Insert porn star joke HERE). How does this affect YOU? Well, it allowed me to get caught up on my shitty movies and TV shows!

So Amazin’ Race finished up on Tuesday night.. I’ve always liked this show, becuase it’s what you’d get to do if you had a creative travel agent. Instead of going to famous landmarks, the contestants get dragged through some lesser know attractions and seedy sides of town. Some of them are quite stupid..like an episode that required contestants to build an O’Sullivan DESK at an IKEA store in Helsinki. But some are really cool...like this nifty carved-in-the- ground church in Ethiopia.

This season started to suck early on. In every episode, teams would depart for tier next obstacle, all separated by 2-8 hours of time. In a “RACE’, time is usually pretty important. However, it never failed that the obstacle they were all arriving at didn’t open until 10am the next day! So despite all their planning and frentic rushes, the teams would end up TIED in every episode. Once or twice it was funny, since you could see how pissed off the race leaders would get...but after the third time it was boring.

A fan favorite team thoughout the season was the pro-wrestler couple, Lori & Bolo. Just because they were mutants. At one obstacle, it was...weird ...hearing a husband tell his wife: “now do a power clean, baby!” They made it to the final five, but weren’t around for the 2-hour/4-team finale. The final four teams left standing were all annoying couples in their 20’s. There was the annoying turd Adam, probably the biggest dweeb to ever get on film. Despite the time and stress factor, he always took time to style little “hair horns” on his forehead. Plus, he whined for his mother often and rambled around in a duck-walk, trying to impress his skanky ex-girlfriend with his “cuteness”. During the numerous rappelling or aerial obstacles, I kept hoping for the first-ever REAL LIFE DEATH on a reality show.

The other three final teams were nothing weird or terribly annoying. Hayden had some buterface action going on, and the producers made sure her rack got plenty of camera time. Kendra appeared humpable at first..but ended up looking like a cancer ward patient at season’s end. Kris looked like a K-mart version of Britney Spears...only without the distorted face, englogated stomach, weird hair, makeup and crappy music.Her rack looked natural, and got plenty of air time, too.

The final leg of the race was weak. Fly to Chicago, find a tower, then go eat a pizza. If eating Chicago-style pizza is competition, then, yarrrrrgh---I am all that is man! But the entire season was probably stolen by the abusive team of Johnathan and Victoria. Some weirdo “entrepenuer” with blue hair, a big ego and whose favorite hobby is apparently kicking the shit out of his dishrag wife. Probably the saddest thing I’ve seen on TV since Animal Planet showed a baby elephant getting eaten alive by hyenas. It wasn’t that I felt sorrow for Victoria, it was that I wondered how someone like Johnathan could exist and feel perfectly normal about his life.

Phil Keoghan's a decent host, though. In every episode he's consistently there to recite the rules and inform viewers of what's happenin'. He gets a little emotional when some teams cry at their elimination, but the guy's a professional. He stepped over the line just a little bit and calmly stuck it to Johnathan and thoroughly embarassed him at the end of one leg. Completely justified in that case. I need to see if he's available for small freelance work...I'd like to hire him to do my answering machine or voicemail greeting.

This show is due back in less than three weeks. I oly watch two reality shows, and the next “Race” season features a crossover of the two, with Survivor’s famesluts Rob & Amber coming aboard. Screw that, I’d want to see Big Tom and Rupert team up for the“Race”.