http://www.blender.com/guide/articles.aspx?ID=2882

I'll save you the hassle:

5- Dan Fogelberg

4- Noel Gallagher

3- Scott Stapp (Creed)

2- Neil Peart

1- Sting (not Steve Borden)

I'd rather they accompany it with a "top 40 BEST lyricists" for comparison's sake.

I'm also surprised that the imbecilic Mark Knopler isn't on the worst list. Shitty lyrics like "check out Guitar George... he's knows all the chords" and "punish the monkey.. and let the organ grinder go" are 100% Fucking Retarded. Plus a chorus about color TV's and microwave ovens. Ugh. (He's obviously my vote for #1).

That list can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

Meh. Lists like that never hold my interest. Far too objective of a subject. I could serve up twenty five lyricists from Emo/hardcore/metalcore/whatever bands that are just as bad as those guys.

I agree. Most Internet "Top X Worst/Best Thingie of All Time" lists are just lures to feed traffic and get people to hit a message board.

And hey... Linkin Park would also be on my Top Shittiest Lyricists list.

They are dead on with Neal Peart though. Rush has the stupidest lyrics ever. I honestly don't think Sting is all that bad. Robert Plant (23) is pretty bad too.

C'mon, man....there's, like, unrest in the forest. There's, like, trouble with the trees, man!

Neil Peart said in an interview a few years ago that he considers everything before "Moving Pictures" (1981) to be amateur. He still writes stupid lyrics, but they're not as pretentious as the stuff he was doing in the 70's (prime example: everything on "Caress of Steel" that is not "I Think I'm Going Bald").

My big bro's the biggest Rush fan in the world. Listening to him talk, it's sad how much his philosophy of life is based on off-handed lyrics from them. He even signs all his emails with some Ayn Rand quote. The other night, he was talking about how terrible growing up in the suburbs was...and it seemed familiar to me. So I looked up the lyrics to "Subdivisions" and he had basically paraphrased the entire song.

I'd toss in Steve Harris's name (Iron Maiden) as another bad lyricist. Everything from 1992 on is painfully bad. I mean: "have you ever felt your neck-skin crawl" Neck-skin?!

The funny thing is with Rush and Iron Maiden how their hardcor fans defend their lyrics. "Their lyrics are so intelligent. These guys have history degrees and stuff."

Bad lyrics doesn't generally kill a band though. I love Led Zep, but Plant's obsession with Tolkien is just rediculous.

I love both of those bands, but I'm aware of how retarded their lyrics can be. As a young'un, I liked their stuff because it told a story and wasn't the typical FM radio shit of "oh baby, oh baby, I love you so". Billy Squire was screaming about getting "stroked", but Bruce Dickinson was hollering about the Charge of the Light Brigade. Although the concept of telling a story in your song goes back a LONG ways.

I've told this story before, but I'll always love Rush and "Red Barchetta" because I was 7 years old and for the first time in my life I completely understood what a song was about. "Whoa...it's about some guy with a hot rod, out in the country, outracing giant hovercrafts in the future! Sweet!!"

Smart? No. Unless you're in grade school. Different? Yeah, different from poppy love/relationships/sex songs... but that doesn't make it smart.

Y'know....the Blender list REALLY needs a "best" counterpart. Hippies love Jim Morrison's stuff and he's #10 worst. If you think about it, most rock lyrics are ridiculous when you dissect them.

I don't know who's more pretentious, the lyricists on the list or the idiots that made it

You've got a point there, but it's a pretty funny read anyhow.

I think it's funny, too, but any "worst lyricist" list that puts Sting over Fred Durst is just ridiculous

No doubt about that. I don't see the big issue with Sting. I'm no huge fan, but I can't think of anything rediculous he did. Fred Durst on the other hand.

For the record, Trent Reznor should be on the list for "Closer" in and of itstelf.

How was Marilyn Manson not on this list?

Or Rob Zombie?

I know Kurt Cobain is kind of sacred ground, cause he blew his head off, but his lyrics were absolutely horrible.

Eh, He was really hit and miss, at least to me. But you're right. His misses are... um... awful. But some of his stuff is really good too.

What's a good Cobain lyric?

"One baby to another says I'm lucky to have met you"

"I'm not like them, But I can pretend.
The sun is gone, But I have a light.
My day is done, But I'm having fun.
I think I'm dumb, Maybe just happy"

"She should have stayed away from friends
She should have had more time to spend
She should have died when she was born
She should have worn the crown of thorns

She should have - been a son"

They're not mind numbingly awesome lyrics, but they're good

Been A Son was exactly what I was thinking, actually. About A Girl is really good as well.

That's pathetic.

Kurt was no Ian Curtis or anything, but they're not quite pathetic.

It's actually pretty good in my opinion. I mean, it's no "Hit Me Baby One More Time" but those are some heartfelt words.

Ok, "One Baby To Another said I'm happy to have met you" isn't profound, but it's amusing.

You know, thinking about it a bit more, I think his lyrics in verses are pretty decent, but his choruses really bite. Smells Like Teen Spirit is a perfect example.

Ok, I'm convinced Kurt truelly sucks. So who is a good lyricist?

Ian Curtis, Robert Smith, Peter Murphy, Nas, Saul Williams, Geoff Rickly are all names that spring to mind.

When you could understand him, they were pretty bad, yeah.

yeah, sometimes, no, definitely, yes, and you've got to be kidding me.

My favorite was "Lithium"

Yeah...Yeahuh, Yeahuh...yeah

Rickly is more of a personal thing. I know he's nowhere in the leauge of the other guys I mentioned, but a lot of his songs are special to me because they kind of define a certain time and place in my life. Same goes for Davey Havok, though the early stuff they did (Like Cereal Wars) made me leave him off my list.

Not a Peter Murphy fan?

Yes!

Err, I mean "Yeahhhh"

When that came out as a single in the summer of 1992, I remember joking: "dumb fuckers forget to write a chorus, so they just say YEAH".

Fellow Seattle stoners Soundgarden had some weird lyrics, too. I wouldn't say dumb like Paul Stanley dumb, but alot of stuff where I had no idea what they were talking about.

"Outshined" rocks all kinds of ass, but good luck explaining the lyrics.

"The grass is always greener where the dogs are shedding" Okay, then....

You want some good lyricists? David Bazan, Jonah Matranga, Mike Knott, Dan Weyandt, Ray LaMontagne, Jason Isbell, Patterson Hood.


There, I gave you some

I figured it was time to make my token bi-annual appearance in here. Is Blender the magazine with the uber-too cool for the room douches writing for it? Or is that every magazine now?

Pretty much.

I pick up Blender once or twice a year, but I'm quickly reminded of why I don't read it often. I can safely say that they aren't in any position to be telling anyone who's the "worst" lyricists.

Blender is the music magazine run by the people who put out Maxim.

That should tell you ALL you need to know

Right -- they know their music about as well as they do their hot women.

Which is pretty well, actually.

Maxim doesn't own Blender anymore, I don't think. I believe they're owned by harris Publications now and it doesn't even say maxim in the title anymore (hasn't for years).

As for the lyric about color TVs and microwave ovens, so what? It made for a catchy song and video and gave Weird Al lots to work with so what's the problem?

As for Kurt--I love him just as much as his next fan but for me, it was more about the melody of his vocals and the raw emotions than the lyrics themselves.

OTOH, does anyone like a musical act JUST because of their lyrics? Maybe Bob Dylan but anyone else?