We've read reports on who it's going to be, but I figured we could have a thread where we pick some workers and write what we think the story would be if they were Vince's kid.
For weeks they look into Vince's extra-marital trysts, and finally Jonathan Coachman has his first-and only-good idea. DNA Testing. They do the tests and Vince must wait several weeks for the results. During this time, Vince has segments where he spends a little bit of "quality" time with nearly every member of RAW, Smackdown & ECW. Hilarity ensues as Vince spends time with guys like The Sandman, Trevor Murdoch, MVP, Chris Masters, Hornswoggle, Kevin Thorn & Marcus Cor Von .
Finally, the results for the ECW roster, the first tested, come back on a Monday. Tuesday night, the ECW crew surround the ring, and Coach reads off the names, Maury Povich style as Vince Celebrates that he's not the father of "any of those imbreeds." Friday Night, Smackdown's stars surround the ring. MVP assures Mr. McMahon that everything will be alright, especially if MVP does turn out to be Mr. McMahon's son. Hornswoggle, through Finlay, tells Mr. McMahon, that though he is little, he'd love to live large as a McMahon. They're both Irish, you know. Teddy Long begins to read the results, and Vince is relieved. He tells Hornswoggle to find another pot of gold, and tells MVP that he'll have to make McMahon a fortune instead of inheriting the McMahon fortune.
At last we come to RAW, where Vince is consoled by Mick Foley. Foley tells McMahon that he hopes he's learned not to cheat on his wife. Not even in a great town like (wherever Raw is that night). The Sandman tells McMahon that he'd love to move out of the trailer he's living in, and into the McMahon-sion in Stamford. Vince sees HHH, and they both shudder. Finally, the results are being read in the ring. Vince is relieved that it's not The Sandman, Umaga, HHH or Jeff Hardy. Suddenly, Coach's eyes grow LARGE. Vince looks at him, and Coach backs up. Vince demands to know who his bastard child is. He grabs the papers and looks. His eyes are as big as his supposed grapefruits. He shakes his head no and backs into the corner. William Regal finally climbs into the ring and begins to read the results. "The tests prove within a 99.9% accuracy that Mr. McMahon is indeed the father of... Eugene Alan Snitsky." The camera moves to Snitsky as the wrestlers are stunned. Snitsky, nervous, says "It Wasn't My Fault!"
Poor Snitsky. This time it really isn't his fault, he can help who his daddy is.
::Looks forward three years to see a headline reading '10 Time World Champion Gene Snitsky'::