- I had a couple of days off for once, so instead of doing something meaningful with my free time, it's another round of crappy matches that no one else would want to recap. Because our buddy ES was so thrilled with the coverage of Jannetty and Doink in the last version, this update will feature not one, but TWO matches of both wrestlers. Hope you enjoy!
- Koko B. Ware vs. “Macho King” Randy Savage:
From an episode of SuperStars of Wrestling, roughly around December 1990, with Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper and the Honky Tonk Man on commentary. I don’t see the Queen with Savage. Weird. Not really a feature match, since Koko was barely a rung up the ladder from true jobber. Savage teases going after Frankie, then nails Savage with a sucker clothesline. Irish whip, and Savage with a back elbow. Savage finally removes his hat and glasses. Ware with a surprise small package for a one count, and Savage is back on him. Savage drops Koko throat-first across the top rope. Savage with a suplex, followed by some choking. Irish whip, and Ware comes back with a swinging neck breaker. He’s Birding Up! Ware to the top rope, but a diving whatever misses badly. Savage with a running high knee, sending Koko out of the ring. Savage to the top rope, and he comes off with a double axe-handle. Back in the ring, and Savage plants Koko with a scoop slam. Savage heads to the top rope, and a flying elbow drop finishes Koko’s afternoon at 2:44. ¼* Just a squash match for Savage. Koko’s only offense was “fluke” stuff that was barely sold, anyway.
- The Z-Man vs. The WCW Halloween Phantom:
From the 1991 Halloween Havoc PPV, with Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone on commentary. Tom Zenk is probably most famous for his bitter insider stories he posted on his website during the late 90’s/turn of the Millennium. The Phantom’s theme is a cheap knock-off of the Phantom of the Opera theme. No heat at all for him, of course. I’m sure some people were thinking “Black Scorpion Part 2” when this guy came out. Phantom attacks before the bell, hammering away with rights and forearms. Irish whip, and R…Phantom with a nasty clothesline. Scoop slam by the Phantom, followed by some eye and back raking. Irish whip, and the Phantom with a knee to the midsection. I see a mustache through a cut-out of the mask. Ru…er… Phantom with a series of elbow drops. Irish whip, and Zenk comes back with a boot and some rights. Irish whip, and Zenk with a dropkick. Phantom with a knee to the midsection, and the Rude Awakening finishes Zenk off at around 1:29. We don’t see the unmasking, but the Phantom was a debuting Ravishing Rick Rude. Tony Schiavone actually plays smart, calling the move as such during the replay. DUD Just a squash match.
- Marcus Alexander Bagwell vs. Big Van Vader:
From an episode of WCW Saturday Night, circa May-June 1992 from what I could gather. Bagwell was pretty darn low on the card at this point (he only came around in the Fall of ’91) and Vader is in a program with WCW Champion, Sting. Guess who’s mopping the floor with who. Lockup to start, and Vader takes Bagwell to the corner, beating the shit out of him in the process with nasty rights and lefts. Bagwell fights back with a dropkick, but runs into a boot. Vader with a back suplex, followed by a clothesline. Chokeslam! That’s all she wrote for Bagwell. Vader with the three count at 1:01. After the match, Vader bounces off the ropes a lot before splashing the rookie fuckwad. Vader heads up to the middle turnbuckle, and comes off with another splash. Vader goes to the top rope now, but Sting finally comes out to rescue Bagwell from certain death. Now we know who to blame for Bagwell hanging around long enough to live through the nWo storyline. Vader talks smack until Sting gets suckered back into the ring. Vader with a series of stiff rights. Sting ducks a clothesline and returns with a series of rights of his own and a bunch of discuss punches. Sting to the top rope, and a missile dropkick sends Vader out of the ring. Sting to the top, and he teases leaping onto Vader down the aisle, but that ain’t gonna happen. ½* Just a squash match, but the post-match stuff was a bit entertaining.
- Kamala vs. Bam Bam Bigelow:
An exclusive match from the May 8th, 1993 episode of Mania, give or take a day or so, since this is a foreign market broadcast. Gorilla Monsoon has commentary along with some guy called “The Wizard”, who sounds a heck of a lot like Bruce Prichard. This match should’ve happened at WrestleMania IX, now that I think about it. Kamala comes out without the Reverend Slick, so you know he’s fucked. Bigelow attacks before the bell with a series of forearms. Irish whip to the corner, but Bigelow Flair-flips onto the apron and gets knocked to the floor. Kamala chases out and hammers on Bigelow with his usual crap. Back inside, and Bigelow quickly dumps Kamala back outside. Bam Bam hammers away, and Kamala returns with the same. Bigelow with some choking, but a headbutt hurts himself. Kamala’s black, so he must have a hard head. Kamala fights back again, doing nothing much of note. Bigelow puts Kamala down, but Kamala recovers in time to crotch Bam Bam on the top rope. Irish whip, and Kamala connects with a clothesline. Chopping by Kamala, followed by the splash, but he can’t properly pin Bigelow. Bigelow manages to recover and rolls up Kamala for the three count at 3:52. DUD Nothing good about this match at all. It just sucked major ass. I still don’t think I’ve ever seen a “good” match with Kamala.
- 2 out of 3 Falls Match:
Marty Jannetty vs. Doink The Clown:
Because the PEOPLE demanded it, here’s the rematch to the Jannetty/Doink match from the last YouTube Collection. From no more than two weeks after the last match, and I don’t know why they decided on 2 out of 3 Falls. It must’ve been sweeps month, or something. Doink sure did get a lot of matches on television against “name” opponents.
Fall #1: Doink tries luring Jannetty into the corner, and being the drug addict he is, Jannetty probably will fall for it. Lockup to start, and Doink gives a clean break. More goofing around by Doink, but Jannetty is too stoned to play along. Lockup #2, and this time Doink throws a sucker punch. Rights and chops by Doink, then he applies a side headlock. Criss-cross time, and Jannetty takes Doink over with a monkey flip. Arm drag take over and into an armbar by Jannetty, but Doink escapes with a “Greco-roman hair pull.” Jannetty goes back to the arm, and Doink throws him back down. Doink with some smack (or crack) talk. Another criss-cross sequence, and that goes nowhere. Jannetty slams Doink face-first into the canvas, and applies a wristlock. Irish whip to escape, and Jannetty surprises Doink, going for his own monkey flip, with a fist drop for a two count. ARMBAR! Jannetty goes through a series of flips before taking Doink over with an arm drag. Doink heads out of the ring for a breather. Back inside, and Doink hammers away on Jannetty in the corner. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Jannetty monkey flips Doink out of the corner for a two count. Jannetty with another armbar applied. Doink escapes with an eye rake. Irish whip, and Jannetty with a back slide for a two count. Whip to the corner, and Jannetty misses something in the corner. Doink to the top rope, and the Whoopie Cushion connects for the three count at 7:15.
Fall #2: Doink attacks Jannetty in the corner with a flurry of rights. Irish whip is reversed, and Doink boots Jannetty in the face. Whip to the corner, WITH AUTHORITY (™-Vince McMahon)! Doink plays around with Jannetty before slapping him like a bitch. Doink to the top rope, and he heads out with a sledge across the back of Jannetty. (Savage: He stole my move!) If this were WCW, Doink would’ve been fired mid-match. Back in the ring, and Doink covers for a two count. Jannetty with a shoulder to the midsection from the apron. Irish whip, and Jannetty misses a field goal attempt, allowing Doink to cover, but only for a two count. REVERSE CHINLOCK! Jannetty escapes with a series of blows to the midsection, and rolls up Doink for a two count. They fight over a suplex, with Jannetty coming out on top of that one. Jannetty to the top rope, and he decides to come off. Reverse crescent kick connects, but Doink is in the ropes. Irish whip is reversed, and Jannetty rams Doink face-first into the canvas. Jannetty to the top, and the Rocker Fist Dropper connects for the three count at 4:39, sending it into the third and final fall. What a fuckin’ surprise.
Final Fall: Doink’s make-up is almost completely wiped away. Jannetty blocks a sucker kick and nails Doink with a delay atomic drop, followed by a clothesline for a two count. Doink heads outside, trips Jannetty up, and wraps his leg around the ring post a few times. Back in the middle of the ring, and Doink applies a Figure-Four Leg-lock! Crowd with a “Marty” chant to get him going, and the crowd actually appears to be into it. Jannetty reverses the leverage, but Doink grabs the ropes to escape, and the referee forces a break. Logic in Wrestling, considering DOINK has the hold applied, not Jannetty. Doink goes to work on the knee of Jannetty in the corner. Jannetty fights back with rights. Irish whip, and Jannetty with a back drop, but he goes down too, actually selling the knee. Doink goes back to work on the leg, applying a Single-leg Boston Crab, then turning it into and STF. Doink continues to work the leg over, kicking his leg from under his leg. Doink goes to the top rope, but Jannetty is up in time and slams the Doinkster off. Irish whip, and Jannetty with a diving back elbow. Mounted punches in the corner, and out comes another Doink, crawling under the ring. Heenan’s monitor isn’t working, of course. Jannetty, being the smartest man on earth, LISTENS to the crowd, searching for the other Doink. Doink #1 nails Jannetty with a baseball slide, sending his head into the year 2011. Back in the ring, and Jannetty sends Doink back out with a dropkick. Doink crawls under the ring, and comes out, the same one. Jannetty hammers away, but a collision sends Doink out again. This Doink has a fresh paint job, so it’s Doink #2. He crawls back in and covers Jannetty for a two count. Jannetty with a small package for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Doink hammers Jannetty across the back. Doink #2 with a jumping piledriver, and that’s enough for a three count at 8:46… but WAIT! Randy Savage comes into the ring to explain things to the referee, and exposes the Double Doinking. The decision is reversed, giving the third and deciding fall to Marty Jannetty. Never been a fan of that finish. *** Pretty good match up until the finish. Nothing really “flashy”, just some good wrestling by Doink, and Jannetty was always good at taking an ass kicking and mounting a “he might win it” come back. I almost knocked points off for the lousy finish, but the first two falls having clean finishes made me think otherwise.
- “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Doink The Clown:
From an episode of Monday Night Raw, circa June-July 1993. Savage was doing his semi-retirement bit already, not wrestling a match on television since a loss to Yokozuna at the March to WrestleMania special. Savage has his goofy red, white, and blue tights on, so it might be even closer to the 4th of July than I thought. Before the match, Savage looks under the apron for more Doinks. Lockup to start, and Savage manages to avoid a cheap shot attempt. Doink decides to mock Savage instead of getting mad. McMahon mentions that Savage said he has a “little surprise” for Doink. Oh no… Lockup, and Savage goes to work on the arm, but Doink escapes with an eye rake. Savage grabs a chair from ringside, but Doink blind-sides him and stomps a clown hole in his ass. Stomping and choking by Doink, followed by a clothesline. Boston crab applied! Rick Martel would be proud. Doink goes to work on the leg now, and kicks his leg from under his leg. Savage tries to break the momentum, but Doink remains in control. Irish whip, and Savage boots Doink in the chest. Whip to the corner is reversed, but Doink misses a charge. Savage with a running high knee, sending Doink out of the ring. The match will continue after this break… We come back, and Doink has Savage trapped in a sort of hangman neckbreaker choke. Savage escapes, but gets worked over in the corner s’more. Doink with a dropkick, and we get a reverse chinlock… kind of. Savage backs Doink into the corner to escape. Doink rams Savage in the corner and takes him over with a belly-to-belly suplex for a two count. Doink drops an elbow for another two count. Abdominal stretch applied by Doink! Savage escapes with a hip toss, but can’t take control of the match. Doink with a snapmare, and into a reverse chinlock. Savage escapes with elbows, but runs into a BIG scoop slam. Doink heads to the top rope, but misses his butt drop of doom. Doink dumps Savage out of the ring, and Savage crawls under the ring. He comes out the other end… and it’s a Midget wearing a bad Randy Savage mask. Doink chases the Macho Midget, but runs into a tackle by Savage. Into the ring, and Savage with a small package for the three count at 9:21. *1/2 Some decent stuff, but the Savage formula of getting his ass kicked the entire match and then picking up the miracle comeback was never one I was too fond of. Add to the fact this had a super lame finish and a MIDGET run-in, and you can probably finish my thoughts.
- The Smoking Gunns vs. Bam Bam Bigelow & Bastion Booger:
From the January 3rd, 1994 episode of Monday Night Raw. Billy and Bam Bam lockup to start, with Billy applying a side headlock. Irish whip to escape, and Bigelow with a shoulder block. Billy charges again, with the same result. Billy with a diving shoulder tackle, and a dropkick sends Bam Bam out of the ring. Back in the ring, and Bigelow with a slam, but he misses a follow up headbutt. Bart tags in, and comes off the top with a sledge, and works the arm. Bigelow sends him into the corner, but misses a charge, and Bart goes back to the arm. Bart tries a roll up, but that doesn’t work, and he runs into a back elbow. Booger tags in, and squashes Bart in the corner. Irish whip, and Bart over-sells a weak clothesline. COMMERCIAL! We return with Booger getting nailed with a Billy bulldog. Gunns with shoulder blocks to put Booger down, but Bart misses a sloppy dive, spilling out of the ring. Bigelow lays a beating in on his chocolate pudding eating ass. Back in the ring, and Bigelow hammers away on Bart. Bigelow with a snap suplex, followed by a headbutt for a two count. Johnny Polo somehow makes a Flintstones reference at the expense of Bigelow. Booger tags back in and rubs his crotch on the back of Bart’s head. Irish whip, and Booger with a elbow, followed by a fat-ass leg drop for a two count. Booger continues to control with weak offense. Whip into the corner, and Booger misses a charge. Billy with the hot gay cowboy tag, and he puts Bigelow down with a dropkick. Outside the ring, Luna rubs Booger’s hump, while the Gunns control in the ring. Double back drop on Bigelow! Booger starts hitting on Luna! Billy with a sunset flip for a two count as Luna smacks Booger. Billy with a DDT on Bigelow. Billy to the top rope, and he misses a dropkick. Booger hugs Luna, who appears to be wanting to throw up. Bigelow finally comes out to “Save”, and the two fat men brawl until they’re counted out at 8:17. DUD Not too good. Bigelow would squash Booger in a grudge match the next week, if I recall.
- Marty Jannetty (w/ The 1-2-3 Kid) vs. Johnny Polo:
From an episode of Monday Night Raw, circa February 1994. This was originally hyped as the 1-2-3 Kid vs. Polo, but the Kid tweaked something in his leg the week before the Royal Rumble PPV, and thus we get the second meeting between Jannetty and Polo on Raw in less than 6 weeks. For those who forgot/don’t care, Johnny Polo would later become far more famous as Raven. Vince McMahon and I.R.S. are on commentary, and are later joined by the Kid. Before the match, Johnny Polo talks smack about the Kid. Polo tries a sneak attack, but Jannetty nails him with a clothesline. Jannetty theen ties Polo’s feet together with the microphone wire, and doesn’t do anything to capitalize. What a moron. Polo breaks free of his prison, but Jannetty trips him up and sends Polo out of the ring. Polo tries taking a hike, but Jannetty follows him up the entrance. Polo with a cheap shot, but Jannetty back drops him on the floor. Back in the ring, and Polo begs Jannetty off. Polo uses the leverage of Jannetty’s tights to send him out of the ringh, but Jannetty climbs back up and comes off the top rope with a cross body for a two count. Reverse crescent kick by Jannetty for another two count. Polo nails Jannetty from behind with a running high knee, sending Jannetty out of the ring now. COMMERCIAL! We come back with Polo having a reverse chinlock applied. Jannetty escapes… then they manage to fuck something up. Was that supposed to be a back drop? Outside they go, and Polo comes off the apron with a double axehandle. Back in the ring, and Polo with another sledge across the back of the head, followed by some funky dancing. Back to the chinlock goes Polo. Jannetty fights free again and drops Polo with a series of shoulder blocks. They bang heads on another attempt, and both men are down. Polo recovers first and chokes away. Jannetty with a sunset flip, but that only gets two. Polo sits on Jannetty’s chest, and gets rolled up again for a two count. Headlock takeover by Polo. Snapmare by Polo, and he heads to the top rope. That doesn’t go his way, eating boot trying to do whatever-the-fuck heels try doing in that situation. Jannetty with a series of rights, followed by a diving forearm. Irish whip, and Jannetty with a diving back elbow. HE’S CRACKING UP! Polo eats turnbuckle and canvas for a total of 10 times (thanks to the crowd for counting for me). Jannetty sets Polo up on the top turnbuckle, but gets shoved off. Polo gets crotched in return, which should be an automatic Disqualification. Jannetty with an inverted atomic drop, but posts himself on a charge attempt. Polo with a scoop slam, followed by a knee drop. Irish whip, and Jannetty comes back with the Rocker Dropper. That’s enough for the three count at 9:36. *1/2 Not nearly as good as their first match. There was no real flow to it, and seemed like a time filler match more than anything. After the match, I.R.S. punks out the Kid, so the Kid steals his briefcase to recover Razor Ramon’s gold. Don’t ask.
- Sycho Sid vs. Owen Hart (w/ Jim Neidhart):
From the June 9th, 1997 episode of the War Zone. Owen is/was at the time, the reigning Intercontinental Champion and a 2-Time Slammy Award Winner. Sid was just doing stuff during the 1997 Softball Season. For whatever reason, Ken Shamrock comes out to do commentary along with Vince, Lawler, and J.R. I don’t know which of Sid’s hometowns was better… West Memphis, Arkansas, or Anywhere He DARN Well Pleases. Owen attacks from behind before the bell and hammers away on Sid in the corner. Irish whip, and Owen clotheslines Sid with his own vest. Irish whip, and Sid comes back by slamming Owen face-first into the canvas. Irish whip, and Sid with a big boot, followed by a choke push to send Owen out of the ring. Neidhart distracts Sid long enough for Owen to trip him up and ram Sid’s leg around the ring post. Anvil adds a few shots of his own for good measure. Owen with a single leg trip, followed by some snapping of the leg. Owen continues working over the left leg of Sid. Owen calls for the sharpshooter, but Sid powers out of the attempt. Sid comes back with a series of rights. Irish whip to the corner, and Sid misses a charge. Owen heads to the top rope, and he comes off with a missile dropkick, sending Sid out of the ring. Anvil drops Sid… uh… chest first across the security rail, then dumps him back in the ring. Shamrock goes after Neidhart and belly-to-belly suplexes him on the floor. Meanwhile, Owen covers Sid for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Sid catches Owen with a chokeslam for the three count at 4:16. ¾* Match wasn’t very good. I don’t know how accurate the description for this video is, but apparently this was the last match Sid wrestled on WWF television.
- Flash Funk vs. Rob Van Dam (w/ Jerry Lawler):
From the same show as the above Owen/Sid match. From RVD’s short “Mr. Monday Night” stint in the WWF. Tommy Dreamer and Paul E. Dangerously are in the crowd, and they look really pissed. For some reason, we see the AWARD WINNING SummerSlam ’96 commercial, featuring WWF Superstars participating in various Olympic style events. The 2004 stuff was much better, of course. Shoving match to start. Funk with a spinning heel kick. Irish whip is reversed, and they go through a series of misses until Funk sends RVD out of the ring with a dropkick. Baseball slide and plancha by Funk. Back in the ring, and RVD connects with a sling-shot leg drop on the apron. RVD with a somersault plancha onto the Funkster. Back in the ring, and RVD connects with a somewhat different version of Rolling Thunder. Funk mounts a comeback with a series of rights. Irish whip, and Funk connects with a twisting forearm for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Funk follows in with a splash. Overhead slammy-thing by Funk, and a moonsault connects. That only gets a two count, though. Funk misses a spinning heel kick, and RVD connects with one of his own. Standing moonsault by RVD gets a two count. Funk attempts a hurracanrana, but RVD counters with a powerbomb for a two count. Funk with an enziguri. Irish whip to the corner, and Funk runs into the boot of RVD. Forward slam by RVD, and a splt-leg moonsault connects for the three count at 4:29. * Sloppy match with a total lack of selling. After the match, Paul E. and Dreamer jump the rail to get their hands on Lawler and RVD. It doesn’t take long for a bunch of officials to break things up, then lose control of that.
- Steel Cage Match:
Kane (w/ Tori) vs. X-Pac:
From Armageddon 1999, the show that’s only remembered for the Kat flashing her boobies and Stephanie McMahon’s heel turn. Backstory time: Kane and X-Pac were partners since around WrestleMania time. Sometime after SummerSlam, things became difficult between the two. When Triple H reformed DX, this put a wedge even further between the two, until X-Pac obviously turned on Kane during a match with the Dudley Boyz. At Survivor Series, they had a short match that didn’t settle a thing. Now it’s the rematch, inside a cage. X-Pac can win by any means (pin OR escape), but Kane can only win by pinfall/submission. Kane comes in over the top of the cage, and nails X-Pac with a hard thrust upon arrival. X-Pac with a series of rights, but they have no effect on Kane. X-Pac comes off the ropes for a heel kick, but Kane catches him and slams X-Pac down to the canvas. Kane with a headbutt, followed by a press slam. Kane works over X-Pac in the corner with more vicious blows. Whip to the corner, and Kane follows in with a clothesline. Back to the other side, but this time X-Pac boots him in the face. X-Pac comes off the top for something, but Kane catches him. Kane tries to use X-Pac as a battering ram, but X-Pac rolls free and drops Kane with a spinning heel kick. X-Pac tries climbing out, but Kane prevents it. X-Pac ends up crotching Kane on the top rope, and rams him face first into the steel mesh. X-Pac heads to the top rope, and comes off with a leg drop for a two count. Kane fights back with more rights. Irish whip to the corner, and X-Pac comes back with a Tornado DDT. X-Pac goes to the top again, but jumps into a choke from Kane. X-Pac goes low, but runs into a tilt-o-whirl back breaker. Kane tosses X-Pac into the cage a few times. Irish whip, and Kane KO’s X-Pac with a big boot. Kane heads to the top rope, as the New Age Outlaws come to ringside with bolt cutters. Kane tries to prevent their interference, but Mr. Ass slams the cage door in Kane’s face, then Road Dogg slides a chair into the ring. Both men are up, and X-Pac quickly takes Kane down with the X-Factor onto the steel chair. X-Pac pulls out a pair of handcuffs now, and cuffs Kane to the cage. It’s open season, and X-Pac is hunting for Kane. Swing and a hit! X-Pac connects again for a ground rule double. X-Pac tries climbing out, but Tori (not Wilson) runs in to make the save, and gets an X-Factor for her troubles. Kane is done selling, and boots the chair back into X-Pac’s face, then rips the handcuffs off from the cage wall. X-Pac is climbing out, but Kane goes out through the door, and catches X-Pac on his shoulders, preventing the win, and dumps him back into the ring. Kane then slams the door in his face for redemption. Kane heads to the top of the cage, and comes off with his signature flying clothesline! The Tombstone piledriver follows, and that’s all she fucking wrote at 8:15. About as decisive of a finish as you could expect from the Attitude Era. Too bad the feud kept going on for another four months, through WrestleMania XVI, when no one cared anymore. *** Not exactly a classic wrestling match, but everything flowed nicely, the booking was spot on for once, and it was kept short enough to not feature hours of slow cage climbing, featured in most cage matches.
Final Thoughts: Some better choices for matches this time 'round, although I still get stuck in the groove of watching crappy squash matches featuring Koko B. Ware. Oh well, at least I'm not passing off an Iron Mike Sharpe match circa ever as a feature match. If you get the time, watch the Jannetty/Doink and Kane/X-Pac matches, but everything else is stuff you don't have to waste your time with.