Hey everyone, I'm still not dead, though I am feeling as though that would be a better situation for me at the moment :tear:

But, this little email treat cheered me up no end, I'm sure some of you will laugh too.



Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for now

:lmao: :thumbsup:

And a :hug: for Jamie. Hope things improve soon. :)

Double :hug: good to see you about :thumbsup:

:lmao: @ the cats :thumbsup:

:lmao: :thumbsup: love the cat diary :thumbsup:

:lol: @ the cat's diary

Jamie I really hope things get better for you soon take care mate! :thumbsup:

I have tears rolling down my face reading the cat diary. It's like reading my own cats daily activities. Yesterday I got up and found an opened packet of ham that I had forgotten to put in the fridge. He had taken it out of the carrier bag, unwrapped the clingfilm around it and ate it all. The other day he walked into the kitchen, vomited and then went out. And he constantly leaves remnants of his take-aways for me to clean up. hehe