ABOUT YOU
Name: Heather
Age:16
Contact Info: catsmad@hotmai.co.uk
How you found us: recommendation, former member

CHARACTER INFO
Character name: Nate Crimson
Nicknames: None
Character age: 17
Birthdate: 20th January 1990
Gender:Male
Bloodline:unknown
Level: Normal
Strengths: Nate has all the strengths of a vampire, side from that Nate is also a swordsman after taking a keen interest of this as a child Nate took lessons from a professional swordsman, he still needs to develop his defensive and attacking skills and stances. Nate is a strong person emotionally and mentally, he thinks before he acts and is protective over people he knows.
Weaknesses normal weakness of a vampire, he also has trouble containing his emotions especially if a new situation get the better of him.
Weapons carried on person: Medium sized blade

Tell me about yourself
Hair colour/style: Jet black, emo style fringe covering right side of face
Eye colour: Faded Hazel
Portrayal: Billie Joe Armstrong.
Picture:

Physical description: Nate's choice of clothing is mostly black silver studded trousers an jackets. by wearing shirts with well known bands on reflect his punk rock image. in terms of piercings Nate has a white ear stretcher on his left ear lobe and a lip piercing on his bottom lip. he has a tribal style tattoo running up his left arm covering half of his chest. Nate body is quite toned and kept in good shape
Loos like this:.

Likes: people who express there opinions and aren't afraid of the outcome, music, expressing himself
Dislikes: people who are full of themselves and think they are better than everyone else
Fears: enclosed spaces
Nervous habits: nail biting

Personality description: Nate saying is that "you only live once so live life to the full" Nate is very serene when you first meet him and is very polite with people he first meets his immature side shows occasionally
Take me home to meet mom and dad:
Parents:Verity crimson and Mark white
Siblings:older brother Raven (28)
Children:none

History: Nate was born in England, near the outskirts of London in a remote part of the country side surrounded by mountainess pine trees. As he was brought up in a rich family Nate was home schooled learning subjects that he would've been taught if he had went to a ordinary school, he also learnt Latin as a matter of interest, art and fencing which progressed into sword fighting with short range and long range weapons.

After his brother left to go work in Scotland studying wildlife. Nate decided that his destiny lay in America, After staying for a few nights in a cheap hotel Nate spent most of the time walking around the nightclubs often getting into fights and arguments.

One night Nate went to a club he hadn't visited before, after a few drinks that made him feel a bit more confident Nate was approached by two girls who were quite interested in him, thinking that he was in luck he left guided by the two girls into a closed alley where they knocked him out taking him to an unknown location were he was held for three days each night biting him.

he is now looking for the master of the city to help him before the end of the night so that he does not die when the sun comes up.

Writing Sample:
A high-pitched whine vibrated through Nate's ear, almost jumping out of bed Nate slowly got up stretching widely and yawning quietly, walking into the bleached-white bathroom and washing his hair and taking a long shower allowing the hot water to caress his body. Picking up the trousers he wore yesterday and slipping them on, finding a clean shirt and underwearfrom the ones he had previously wore "have to find a laundrette soon and get these washed" Nate said to himself as he switched the radio on turning up the music so it shook the walls. as he slowly moved around the appartment picking up pieces of rubbish from previuos nights of fast-food.Reaching into his pocket to check his phone messages the screen read "0 new messages" switching the phone of and throwing it on the bed making the matress quiver.

opening the windows letting the warm air stroke his skin the view from his window showed the many people entering and exiting the nightclubs each with their different styles and volumes of music filling the night air. Breathing in deeply letting the air fill his lungs, slowly exhailing Nate searched for his keys and wallet.

leaving the apartments with his keys and wallet in his pocket Nate set out for a night of drinking and socialising. After walking for a while Nate came to a club that was filed with people involved in there own business. Nate sat looking around the club taking in its dark atmosphere, he went to get up to leave when he was approached by two women. A few moments later Nate was being escorted into an alley, after some seemingly innocent flirting Nate was hit around the head knocking him unconscious.

After Nate woke up in a dark room feeling weak one of the girls from last night came in his head was pounding the girl went down by his neck and bit down, the pain was indescribable.

After another two nights of the same action Nate felt awful throughout after that it was the fourth day he was thrown out and was left with an address in his pocket. finding the address and entering Nate met Darla who completed a blood oath she said words that he didn't understand to him as he fed off her.
And the rest:
Anything else? not yet

Did you read the rules?'Oui, ma petite

To be turned as a vampire you would require three separate feedings with the third one causing death. Then the Master vampire that would have created him would invest a certain amount of their power to cause the vamp to rise three days later. This is not evident in your post nor are vampires made them abandoned like that. If that was the case they would simply fail to rise.

Also I would like to see more detail in the character development other then how he was turned. Right not it seems like a laundry list of characteristics applied to a picture. I would like to see further characterization and a bit more about his life before becoming a vampire.

Further more your app is still lacking something.